by Joy Wong
"Don't let anyone tell you that you can't have it all. You can have it all—you just can't have it all at the same time." A former female boss of mine used to quote this to me, and it always helped me adjust to the different transitions of my life, whether from college to post-college life, singlehood to marriage, or moving from the east coast to the west coast. Whenever I found myself lamenting a loss of any kind, I often reminded myself that each stage in life had its own unique set of losses and blessings.
However, lately I've been dealing with a dilemma that has been gnawing at me with persistence, but without resolution. As I approach the end of my seminary education, I've been observing my fellow male classmates take pastoral positions in their churches. All of a sudden, these friends with whom I used to consider myself at the same level--sharing notes, borrowing books, struggling through the stress of deadlines, discussing ministry concerns--have now been promoted to the position of "pastor." They wield positions of authority where they are able to speak truth into the lives of many, and make great influence for the kingdom of God within the church.
I contrast their career paths with my own. As my graduation approaches, the number of times I've been asked about my post-seminary career has nearly equaled the amount of times I've been asked when I'm going to have children. Having been married for 2+ years, either the question is asked, or at other times, I am simply told that "it is time to have kids." I am in no way offended or annoyed by the advice, but it does bring up conflicting desires within me. There is no clear solution to the incompatibility of my career aspirations and the expectations of raising a family. An atheist woman once advised me that having children was optional, but in the Christian church, it seems to be an expectation for married women.
For these very reasons, I've recently found it difficult to celebrate myself as a woman. I imagine myself sitting on the sidelines, my time completely occupied with raising a family, while others (mostly women without children or men of any age) get to fully participate in the church arena. I dread my future as a benchwarmer, with all the desire to be part of the action, but with no energy or opportunity—and the idea of it is heartbreaking. Along with all this come fears that my seminary education was a waste of money, or that God made a mistake making me a woman with all the "wrong" interests, abilities, and desires. As indignant as I am at anyone who suggests that church is a man's arena, I find myself fighting the same lies within myself.
However, in the deepest part of myself, I know that God is not One who makes mistakes. I find some comfort in the truth that there is a purpose and a design that I cannot see. I also believe firmly that God is the Creator of our identities, and that if I was made a woman, then that is something that I need to fully accept, embrace, and celebrate, as a reflection of our Creator God. But in all honesty, even with all this in mind, I still struggle.
As with most mind-boggling puzzles, perhaps the key to enlightenment is a paradigm shift. Maybe I need to see the arena of action not as the church, but rather as the kingdom of God in which mothers are fully participating—not as benchwarmers, but as key players. Perhaps some of us have tried too hard to compete with men, and we have not yet discovered how to find equal footing while being fully content with our identity as women. I don't know. The answers are unclear for me, and the future is hazy. Can we have it all? The answer may lie in the eyes of the beholder. Perhaps the real answer is that nobody can have it all—but that we each are allotted different gifts, skills, opportunities, and experiences, regardless of whether we are male or female.
At the very least, I cling onto this hope: that as I navigate the waters of the future in what seems like a thick, impenetrable fog, I am being led by God who sees and comprehends all that I cannot—and in whose goodness I can trust.
Joy Wong is pursuing a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. Currently, she is the worship coordinator for the English congregation at Evangelical Formosan Church of Los Angeles. She and her husband live in Pasadena, California. To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to AAWOLblog@gmail.com.
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
January 7, 2009
September 10, 2008
culture and personality
by Joy Wong
I recently attended a seminar on a personality theory called the enneagram. In this theory, there are different personality types, numbered 1-9. The enneagram personality types delve into the motivations behind our actions, thoughts, and habits. I took the seminar with thirty other chaplains of a mix of different races and ages, and I turned out to be personality type number 3, labeled the "Achiever" or the "Performer." According to the enneagram theory, people with Type 3 personality are motivated by performing to the expectations of others for self-worth, tend to keep a busy schedule and are prone to burnout. Because they spend a lifetime trying to please others, they are often out-of-touch with their own desires and passions. In the seminar of thirty chaplains, I was the only person with a Type 3 personality. I was also the only Asian American woman attending the seminar.
In the following weeks, I talked with women in the young adult small group at my church about the enneagram personality types. Most of these women were Asian Americans. Among the five women, at least four of us felt strongly that we fell into the Type 3 personality on the enneagram, always driven to meet the expectations of others. In addition, it was the women, not the men, who identified themselves as Type 3. I was astounded that there were so many Type 3 among so small a group, when I was the only one amidst the group of thirty chaplains.
This discovery caused me to reflect upon the impact of culture on personality. What is it about being Taiwanese American females that drives us to perform to the expectations of others for our self-worth? Perhaps even more importantly, how is the Gospel message received by those of us who are Type 3? What aspect of the Good News do we especially need to hear?
In 1 Corinthians 9:20, Apostle Paul wrote, "To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law…so as to win those under the law." Perhaps we need to fully understand what it means to be Asian American women in order to fully and effectively minister to other Asian American women. For this reason, I've come to see self-awareness as a worthwhile cause, and one to pursue with passion.
Joy Wong is pursuing a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. Currently, she is the worship coordinator for the English congregation at Evangelical Formosan Church of Los Angeles. She and her husband live in Pasadena, California. To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to AAWOLblog@gmail.com.
I recently attended a seminar on a personality theory called the enneagram. In this theory, there are different personality types, numbered 1-9. The enneagram personality types delve into the motivations behind our actions, thoughts, and habits. I took the seminar with thirty other chaplains of a mix of different races and ages, and I turned out to be personality type number 3, labeled the "Achiever" or the "Performer." According to the enneagram theory, people with Type 3 personality are motivated by performing to the expectations of others for self-worth, tend to keep a busy schedule and are prone to burnout. Because they spend a lifetime trying to please others, they are often out-of-touch with their own desires and passions. In the seminar of thirty chaplains, I was the only person with a Type 3 personality. I was also the only Asian American woman attending the seminar.
In the following weeks, I talked with women in the young adult small group at my church about the enneagram personality types. Most of these women were Asian Americans. Among the five women, at least four of us felt strongly that we fell into the Type 3 personality on the enneagram, always driven to meet the expectations of others. In addition, it was the women, not the men, who identified themselves as Type 3. I was astounded that there were so many Type 3 among so small a group, when I was the only one amidst the group of thirty chaplains.
This discovery caused me to reflect upon the impact of culture on personality. What is it about being Taiwanese American females that drives us to perform to the expectations of others for our self-worth? Perhaps even more importantly, how is the Gospel message received by those of us who are Type 3? What aspect of the Good News do we especially need to hear?
In 1 Corinthians 9:20, Apostle Paul wrote, "To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law…so as to win those under the law." Perhaps we need to fully understand what it means to be Asian American women in order to fully and effectively minister to other Asian American women. For this reason, I've come to see self-awareness as a worthwhile cause, and one to pursue with passion.
Joy Wong is pursuing a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. Currently, she is the worship coordinator for the English congregation at Evangelical Formosan Church of Los Angeles. She and her husband live in Pasadena, California. To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to AAWOLblog@gmail.com.
September 2, 2008
center and margin in the city of light
by Chloe Sun
This May, I had the opportunity to teach a two-week intensive course in Paris. My students were primarily blue-collar Chinese immigrants. Some work at local restaurants in Chinatown, some work at clothing stores and others have no steady jobs. Some left their families in China and came to Paris in search of a better life. Others came with their families, and are waiting for years and even decades to become legal residents. Most of them have not integrated into the mainstream Paris structure and culture. They live on the margin of society both socially and physically, subject to the rules and regulations of the Paris' government for their survival and welfare.
There I was, in the City of Light, a place renown for its romantic scenery and beautiful historic sites. I lived in a mixed neighborhood in the city center with local French, African-French and Middle Eastern French neighbors. By contrast, the place where I taught was in Chinatown, full of Chinese shops and restaurants, similar to Chinatowns in San Francisco or Manhattan. Every day, I commuted between my home and the church, between the center and the margin.
My sense of center-margin dynamics shifted throughout my trip. I had always thought of the United States or the English-speaking culture as the center of the world, and felt out of place teaching at an ethnic seminary. However, while I was in Paris, I saw how the French did not like to speak English or even like the Americans at all. The church in France is in decline and many churches are empty buildings. It made me wonder: Is America or the English-speaking world the center? Or is France or the French-speaking world the center? Then there were my students in Paris -- they occupy the lowest rung of Parisian society, but their devotion to God, their sincere faith in the midst of various difficulties, their desire to learn God's word and obey Him place them in the center of God's kingdom.
I also learned from the trip is that it is our human nature to want to be a part of the center of the visible world. If we are at the margin, we feel like a loser or a failure. However, when I think of Jesus, the Son of God, who came as a marginalized person, lived a marginalized life and died a marginalized death, I have to ask myself "Why do I want to be at the center?" Being at the margin enables me to share the experience of Jesus' marginalization and adds meaning to my own multiple marginalization. And as I've learned from my students in Paris, being on the margin can drive and empower us to live in the center of God's Kingdom and will for our lives.
Chloe Sun, PhD., teaches Hebrew Scriptures at Logos Evangelical Seminary. She lives with her husband and son in Southern California. To contact Chloe, please send your inquiry to AAWOLblog@gmail.com.
August 19, 2008
the whole picture
by Joy Wong
As a hospital chaplain intern, I visit a diverse variety of patients. One particular patient who stood out in my mind was an 89-year-old Asian man who had suffered a stroke. When I first visited him, he seemed non-responsive. His eyes were open but fixed upon the corner of the room, not on the television or upon me. There was no indication that he knew I was in the room; he didn't acknowledge my presence. His patient chart noted that he was a Christian originally from Taiwan.
On my second visit, I decided to sing some Taiwanese songs to him. As before, his eyes were open but were not making any eye contact. I first sang a Taiwanese worship song, but that did not draw much of a response. I then sang a Mandarin worship song, which also did not evoke anything out of the ordinary. Finally, I sang an old, familiar Taiwanese folk song. As soon I began singing the folk song, the patient began making noises with his mouth as his eyes welled with tears. I was startled, but happy that I had made some sort of connection with him.
This experience caused me to reflect on the significance of our identity. This patient was moved not by a Christian song, but rather a folk song, probably one that had been sung and heard many times throughout his life. Each of us has a cultural identity, whether it is a specific culture, a mix of two or three cultures, or some combination of various traditions of our childhood and upbringing. When we encounter something that speaks to that cultural identity, it moves us. I believe it is because it evokes emotions from our longing for familiarity, belonging, and our home.
God is our ultimate Parent and ultimate home and our identity as Christians is important, but our earthly, cultural identity is also God's intention. I believe our cultural identities need to be discovered and fully embraced in order to delve deeply into our knowledge of God. After all, our understanding of God must be grasped as who God made us to be, including our ethnicity, background, and upbringing. For Asian American evangelical women, the lens through which we see God will become ever clearer as we learn to love and embrace the entirety of who God made us to be.
Joy Wong is pursuing a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. Currently, she is the worship coordinator for the English congregation at Evangelical Formosan Church of Los Angeles. She and her husband live in Pasadena, California. To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to AAWOLblog@gmail.com.
As a hospital chaplain intern, I visit a diverse variety of patients. One particular patient who stood out in my mind was an 89-year-old Asian man who had suffered a stroke. When I first visited him, he seemed non-responsive. His eyes were open but fixed upon the corner of the room, not on the television or upon me. There was no indication that he knew I was in the room; he didn't acknowledge my presence. His patient chart noted that he was a Christian originally from Taiwan.
On my second visit, I decided to sing some Taiwanese songs to him. As before, his eyes were open but were not making any eye contact. I first sang a Taiwanese worship song, but that did not draw much of a response. I then sang a Mandarin worship song, which also did not evoke anything out of the ordinary. Finally, I sang an old, familiar Taiwanese folk song. As soon I began singing the folk song, the patient began making noises with his mouth as his eyes welled with tears. I was startled, but happy that I had made some sort of connection with him.
This experience caused me to reflect on the significance of our identity. This patient was moved not by a Christian song, but rather a folk song, probably one that had been sung and heard many times throughout his life. Each of us has a cultural identity, whether it is a specific culture, a mix of two or three cultures, or some combination of various traditions of our childhood and upbringing. When we encounter something that speaks to that cultural identity, it moves us. I believe it is because it evokes emotions from our longing for familiarity, belonging, and our home.
God is our ultimate Parent and ultimate home and our identity as Christians is important, but our earthly, cultural identity is also God's intention. I believe our cultural identities need to be discovered and fully embraced in order to delve deeply into our knowledge of God. After all, our understanding of God must be grasped as who God made us to be, including our ethnicity, background, and upbringing. For Asian American evangelical women, the lens through which we see God will become ever clearer as we learn to love and embrace the entirety of who God made us to be.
Joy Wong is pursuing a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. Currently, she is the worship coordinator for the English congregation at Evangelical Formosan Church of Los Angeles. She and her husband live in Pasadena, California. To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to AAWOLblog@gmail.com.
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